Top 10' Insulting Football Jokes

1.  A Voice in the Darkness

The Seven Dwarfs were marching through the forest one day they fell in a deep, dark ravine. Snow White, who was following along, peered over the edge of the steep chasm and called out to the fallen dwarfs. From the depths of the dark hole a voice returned, "The (insert team) are Super Bowl contenders." Snow White thought to herself, "Thank God... at least Dopey's survived!"

2.  It's a Wonder

Why do (insert team) players keep their Wonderlic results on their dash boards?

So they can park in the handicap spaces.

3.  Kissin' Cousins

What do you get when you put the girlfriends of a dozen (insert team) fans in one room?

A full set of teeth!

4.  Grounded

Why did the (insert team) players miss their flight for the big game?

They were stuck on a broken escalator!

5.  Hit and Run

If you see a (insert team) fan on a bike, why should you not swerve to hit him?

It could be your bike

6.  A Day at the Beach

What do you get if you see a (insert team) fan buried up to his neck in sand?

More sand!

7.  No Way Out

You're trapped in a room with an angry grizzly bear, a hungry Lion, and a fan of(insert team). You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?

Shoot the (insert team) fan… twice.

8.  On the Bright Side

What do you call a (insert team) fan with half a brain?

Gifted!

9.  Playing Possum

Why are the (insert team) like a possum?

Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

10.  Licking the Problem

What did the average (insert team) player get on his Wonderlic test?

Drool!

Source : Football About Com

New England Patriots Jokes

Q: What's the difference between the Patriots and cigarettes?
A: Eli Manning doesn't smoke cigarettes

If the Patriots offense is not dominant, does that make them unpatriotic?

Dad, how do you win a Super Bowl without cheating?
I don't know son, we are Patriots fans.

Did you hear about the cereal Bill Belicheat and "Shady" Brady eat before games?
Cheaties!....The Breakfast of Champions

Tom Brady isn't the only one who likes his balls tender.

Q: What do the New England Patriots and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common?
A: Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.

Q: Why does Aaron Hernandez resort to murdering people?
A: Because Tim Tebow brings out the worst in everybody.

Q: What is Tom brady's favorite letter?
A: Sssssssss! (sound of air leaking from a ball)

If your favorite quarterback invented the tuck rule, then I'm not going to question why your nursing a Bacardi Breezer.

Q: Why is Aaron Hernandez's NFL career over?
A: By the time he gets out of jail he wont have a tight end left.

Q: What will happen if Tom Brady can't make the delivery of his first child with Gisele Bundchen?
A: Bill Belichick will tape it!

Q: What is the name for Giselle & Tom Brady's baby boy?
A: Brady Bundch!

Q: How do the Patriots spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: Did you hear about Aaron Hernandez?
A: He entered prison as a tight end and became a wide receiver.

Q: Did you hear about the New England Patriots latest trade?
A: They had to give up a first round pick and a felon to be named later!

Q: How many Patriots fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None they are happy living in the Giants shadow!

Q: Why is Patriots player Rodney Harrison perfect for a broadcasting job with NBC?
A: Anyone who has played with Bill Belichick knows a thing or two about being in front of a camera!

Q: What happened after a man was arrested for taping Erin Andrews in her hotel room?
A: He was immediately hired by the New England Patriots!

Q: Why are the New England Patriots like Hillary Clinton?
A: Both have Bills to push around.

Q: Why did the Boston Red Sox trade Manny Ramirez?
A: Because if he was anymore high maintenance Tom Brady might consider dating him!

Q: What's the difference between the New England Patriots and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What do the Patriots and the Post Office have in common?
A: Neither deliver on Sundays!

Q: What do the New England Patriots and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q. How are the Patriots like my neighbors?
A. They can't pick up a single yard!

Q: Want to hear a Patriots joke?
A: Danny Amendola!

Q: Why is Danny Amendola like a grizzly bear?
A: Every fall he goes into hibernation.

Q: What is the difference between a Patriots fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: How many New England Patriots does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up

Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The New England Patriots.

Q: What do the New England Patriots and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

Q: How do you keep the New England Patriots out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.

Q: What's the similarity between an old man's dick, and the New England Patriots football?
A: They're both deflated and easy to get!

Q: Why are so many New England Patriots players claiming they have the Swine Flu?
A: So They don't have to touch the pigskin!

Q: What is a New England Patriots fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat the Jets."

Q: How do you stop a New England Patriots fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in New York Gang Green!

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an New England Patriots fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: If you have a car containing a Patriots wide receiver, a Patriots linebacker, and a Patriots defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: How do you casterate an New England Patriots fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What should you do if you find three New England Patriots football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between a New England Patriots fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. How did the New England Patriots fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: Did you hear that New England's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many New England Patriots fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!

Q: What does a New England Patriots fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why do New England Patriots fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: What's the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead?
A: Have him watch a couple New England Patriots games.

Q: How do you keep a Patriots fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick New Orleans gold and he won't beat it for 4 years!

Q: Why do the New England Patriots want to change their name to the New England Tampons?
A: Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!

Q: What's the difference between the New England Patriots & the Taliban?
A: The Taliban has a running game!

Q: Where do you go in Boston in case of a tornado?
A: Gillette Stadium they never get a touchdown there!

Q. Why do ducks fly over Gillette Stadium upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: Why doesn't Connecticut have a professional football team?
A: Because then Massachusetts would want one.

Q: Why are New England Patriots jokes getting dumb and dumber?
A: Because Patriots fans have started to make them up themselves.

Q: What's the difference between New England Patriots fans and mosquitoes?
A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.

Did you hear that Gillette Stadium had to be resodded?
Thats really sad when you cant even get your own grass to root for you!

According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are New England Patriots fans.

I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store.
They put a Patriots jersey on it and now it sucks again.

New England Patriots One Liners

Aaron Hernandez heard about Tebowing and decided he had to outdo Tim Tebow.
So he started his own trend called "Murdering"

Dear Amanda Bynes, Aaron Hernandez will murder your vagina.

Why did the New England Patriots fan cross the road.....I was thinking when I accelerated.

Gurl you a fan of the Patriots, how about you deflate these balls.

Tom Brady is the first quarterback in NFL history to complete 500 passes in the postseason.


Colts Fans

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a New England Patriots fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Pats fans, too.

Not really knowing what being a Pats fan meant, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, the students' hands flew into the air.

There was, however, one exception. Lucas was not going along with the crowd. The teacher asked him why he had decided to be different.

"Because I'm not a Patriots fan" he said.
"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"
"I'm an Indianapolis Colts fan," boasts the little boy.

The teacher asks Lucas why he is a Colts fan. "Well, my dad and mom are Colts fans, so I'm a Colts fan, too" he responds.

"That's no reason," the teacher says. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot. What would you be then?"

Lucas smiles and says, "Then I'd be a New England Patriots fan."

4 Football Fans
A Redskins fan, an Eagles fan, a Patriots fan, and a Colts fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more.
The Redskins fan insists he is the most loyal. 'This is for the Redskins! ' he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain.
Not to be outdone, the Eagles fan shouts, 'This is for the Eagles!' and throws himself off the mountain.
The Colts fan is next to profess his love for his team.
He yells, 'This is for everyone!' and pushes the Patriots fan off the mountain. 


source: jokes4us.com

NFL Jokes : What's the difference between the Buffalo Bills and a dollar bill?

Q: What's the difference between the Buffalo Bills and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What do Billy Graham and the Buffalo football team have in common?
A: They can both make a stadium of 50,000 people say "Oh, Jesus."

A football coach was asked his secret of evaluating his new recruits. "Well," he said, "I take 'em out in the woods and make 'em run. The ones that run round the trees, I make into running backs. The ones that run straight into the trees, I turn into linemen."

Q: What's the difference between the Buffalo Bills and Cheerios?
A: Cheerios belongs in a bowl.

Q: What has eight arms and an I.Q. of 60?
A: Four blokes watching a football game.

The Definition of an optimist:
A Buffalo Bills fan waiting at Buffalo Niagara International Airport for the Bills to return from winning the Super Bowl.

Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of American life. Violence and committee meetings. -- George Will.

The Buffalo Bills have a new line of cologne. It's a little different though; you wear it and the other guy scores.

Q: Why does John Elway eat his cereal from a plate? 
A: Because he's lost all three of his bowls.

After spending all day watching football, Jimmy fell asleep in front of the TV and spent the whole night in the chair. In the morning, his wife woke him up. "Get up dear," she said, "it's 20 to 7" He awoke with a start and said, "In who's favor?"

Know why the new football stadium they built in Warsaw couldn't be used? No matter where you sat, you were behind a Pole!

Q: What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night
Football?
A: The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.

Why can't John Elway use the phone anymore? Because he can't find the receiver.

Q: How do the Buffalo Bills count to 10
A: 0-1, 0-2, 0-3, 0-4, 0-5, 0-6, 0-7, 0-9, 0-10

Q: How do you keep a Buffalo Bill out of your yard? 
A: Put up goal posts (or) paint an endzone

Q: Where do you go in Buffalo in case of a tornado?
A: To Ralph Wilson Stadium - they never get a touchdown there.

Q: Why doesn't Rochester have a professional football team? 
A: Because then Buffalo would want one.

Q: How many Buffalo Bills does it take to win a Super Bowl? 
A: Nobody knows and we may never find out.

Q: What do you call 47 millionaires sitting around a TV watching the Super Bowl? 
A: The Buffalo Bills.

Q: What do the Buffalo Bills and possums have in common? 
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: What do you call a Buffalo Bill with a Super Bowl ring? 
A: A thief (or) a Steeler


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